We adopt a detached catalog mindset that treats human beings like commodities to be evaluated, filed away, or discarded. In the process, we completely forget that behind every text, profile, or first date is a real person with a complex inner world, acute sensitivities, and a heart that can be bruised.
This total loss of empathy is driven by what psychologists call mechanistic dehumanization and depersonalization—the act of reducing a living person to a cold, unfeeling digital object. A landmark study by researchers Tila Pronk and Jaap Denissen revealed the existence of a definitive "rejection mindset" online; the endless abundance of choices quickly makes us pessimistic, hyper-critical, and 27% more likely to reject perfectly wonderful people the longer we search. When you enter the dating world with an open heart and are met with cold, disposable treatment—getting ghosted, ignored, or treated like a temporary distraction—it hurts so deeply that your brain steps in to protect you the only way it knows how: it numbs you. To survive the carelessness of others, you instinctively shut down your own empathy and become careless yourself. You build a wall, turn off your vulnerability, and begin treating the next person with the exact same casual coldness that hurt you in the first place.
The paradox is tragic: in trying to protect our hearts from a dehumanizing dating culture, we become insensitive ourselves. This is exactly the dating culture we are trying to change with The Date Alchemy. A lot of our work as matchmakers is to decondition people from this mindset. We instead prioritize quality over quantity, so that when we present a profile, we get our client's full attention and consideration. We are also creating an experience where people are more accountable and that naturally feels more human, respectful, and safe enough for you to finally bring your walls down and get the chance to truly connect.
Study: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1948550619866189
This total loss of empathy is driven by what psychologists call mechanistic dehumanization and depersonalization—the act of reducing a living person to a cold, unfeeling digital object. A landmark study by researchers Tila Pronk and Jaap Denissen revealed the existence of a definitive "rejection mindset" online; the endless abundance of choices quickly makes us pessimistic, hyper-critical, and 27% more likely to reject perfectly wonderful people the longer we search. When you enter the dating world with an open heart and are met with cold, disposable treatment—getting ghosted, ignored, or treated like a temporary distraction—it hurts so deeply that your brain steps in to protect you the only way it knows how: it numbs you. To survive the carelessness of others, you instinctively shut down your own empathy and become careless yourself. You build a wall, turn off your vulnerability, and begin treating the next person with the exact same casual coldness that hurt you in the first place.
The paradox is tragic: in trying to protect our hearts from a dehumanizing dating culture, we become insensitive ourselves. This is exactly the dating culture we are trying to change with The Date Alchemy. A lot of our work as matchmakers is to decondition people from this mindset. We instead prioritize quality over quantity, so that when we present a profile, we get our client's full attention and consideration. We are also creating an experience where people are more accountable and that naturally feels more human, respectful, and safe enough for you to finally bring your walls down and get the chance to truly connect.
Study: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1948550619866189
